Byron Clavicle & Grute Skullbasher 
Barbarians 
A Handbook for Aspiring Savages

Sick of our spineless twenty-first century, with its fat-free cow milk, electric cars, and websites about spoiled chihuahuas? Wishing you could get what you want, when you want it? Perhaps you dream of trading in that restrictive tie for a liberating loincloth, then setting your office aflame? Ask yourself this: What Would a Barbarian Do? With this primitive procedure, great men have altered the course of history (and hilarious B movies) for thousands of years.Return to the simplicity of yore with this back-to-basics primer on bloody vengeance, furry pants, swordplay, and savage cuisine. Let renowned scholar Dr. Byron Clavicle and bona fide barbarian Grte Skullbasher teach you how to crush your enemies, settle rent disputes, find a proper name and title that will put you atop the Yor Scale of Name Masculinity, and snare a chain-mail-bikini-wearing Amazon! With just twenty-thousand calories a day and a commitment to pillaging and plundering, you can join the rampaging hordes, negotiating with only your battleax as you destroy civilization!Features include: How to Dress Like a Barbarian! The Barbarian Aptitude Test (B.A.T.)! Vocational Guidance for the Mighty! Barbarian Bible Stories! Grte Skullbashers Fashion Makeovers! How to make your own barbarian movie!…and much, much more!