Stephen Clarke 
Merde Actually 
How NOT to open an English tearoom in Paris

A year after arriving in France, Englishman Paul West is still struggling with some fundamental questions:_________________What is the best way to scare a gendarme? Why are there no health warnings on French nudist beaches? And is it really polite to sleep with your boss’s mistress?In his second comedy of errors, Paul West opens an English tearoom, and mutates (temporarily) into a Parisian waiter.Meanwhile, he continues his search for the perfect French mademoiselle. But will Paul find l’amour ternel, or will it all end in merde?Author’s apology: ‘I’d just like to say sorry to all the suppository fans out there, because in this book there are no suppositories. There are, however, lots of courgettes, and I see this as progress. Suppositories to courgettes – I think it proves that I’m developing as a writer.’ Stephen Clarke