Beverly Engel 
Healing Your Emotional Self 
A Powerful Program to Help You Raise Your Self-Esteem, Quiet Your Inner Critic, and Overcome Your Shame

Healing Your Emotional Self

‘Emotionally abusive parents are indeed toxic parents, and they
cause significant damage to their children’s self-esteem,
self-image, and body image. In this remarkable book, Beverly Engel
shares her powerful Mirror Therapy program for helping adult
survivors to overcome their shame and self-criticism, become more
compassionate and accepting of themselves, and create a more
posititve self-image. I strongly recommend it for anyone who was
abused or neglected as a child.’

–Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of Toxic Parents

‘In this book, Beverly Engel documents the wide range of
psychological abuses that so many children experience in growing
up. Her case examples and personal accounts are poignant and
powerful reminders that as adults, many of us are still limited by
the defenses we formed when trying to protect ourselves in the face
of the painful circumstances we found ourselves in as children.
Engle’s insightful questionnaires and exercises provide concrete
help in the healing process, and her writing style is lively and
engaging. This book is destined to positively affect many
lives.’

–Joyce Catlett, M.A., coauthor of Fear of Intimacy

The Emotionally Abusive Relationship

‘Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step-by-step
strategies to stop emotional abuse . . . helping both victims and
abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type
of abuse.’

–Marti Tamm Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse

Loving Him without Losing You

‘A powerful and practical guide to relationships that every woman
should read.’

–Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., author of Are You the One for Me?

Daftar Isi

Acknowledgments ix

Introduction 1

Part One
How Your Parents Shape Your Self-Esteem, Self-Image, and Body Image

1 Our Parents as Mirrors 9

2 The Seven Types of Negative Parental Mirrors 29

3 Your Body as a Mirror 63

4 How Mirror Therapy Works 77

Part Two
Shattering Your Distorted Parental Mirror

5 Rejecting Your Parents’ Negative Reflection 87

6 Emotionally Separating from Your Parents 104

7 Quieting and Countering Your Inner Critic 117

Part Three
Creating a New Mirror

8 Looking Deeper into the Mirror: Discovering the Real You 139

9 Providing for Yourself What You Missed as a Child 156

10 Learning to Love Your Body 175

Part Four
Specialized Help

11 If You Were Neglected, Rejected, or Abandoned: Healing the ‘I Am Unlovable’ and ‘I Am Worthless’ Mirrors 187

12 If You Were Overprotected or Emotionally Smothered: Healing the ‘I Am Nothing without My Parent’ Mirror 204

13 If You Were Overly Controlled or Tyrannized: Healing the ‘I Am Powerless’ Mirror 212

14 If You Had Overly Critical, Shaming, or Perfectionistic Parents: Healing the ‘I Am Bad, ‘ ‘I Am Unacceptable, ‘ and ‘I Am Not Good Enough’ Mirrors 220

15 If You Had a Self-Absorbed or Narcissistic Parent: Healing the ‘I Don’t Matter’ Mirror 229

16 Continuing to Heal 238

Appendix: Recommended Therapies 243

References 249

Recommended Reading 251

Index 255

Tentang Penulis

BEVERLY ENGEL is an internationally recognized expert in emotional and sexual abuse. She is the author of several other self-help books, including the highly successful The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, Loving Him without Losing You, and The Emotionally Abused Woman. Engel conducts workshops and professional training programs and has appeared on many national television shows, including Oprah, Starting Over, Donahue, and Ricki Lake.