Robert E. Howard 
The Feud Buster 

First-off, it’s a lie that I rode a hundred miles to mix into a feud which wasn’t none of my business. I never heard of the Hopkins-Barlow war before I come in the Mezquital country. I hear tell the Barlows is talking about suing me for destroying their property. Well, they ought to build their cabins solider if they don’t want ‘em tore down. And they’re all liars when they says the Hopkinses hired me to exterminate ‘em at five dollars a sculp. I don’t believe even a Hopkins would pay five dollars for one of their mangy sculps. Anyway, I don’t fight for hire for nobody. And the Hopkinses needn’t bellyache about me turning on ‘em and trying to massacre the entire clan. All I wanted to do was kind of disable ‘em so they couldn’t interfere with my business. And my business, from first to last, was defending the family honor. If I had to wipe up the earth with a couple of feuding clans whilst so doing, I can’t help it. Folks which is particular of their hides ought to stay out of the way of tornadoes, wild bulls, devastating torrents, and a insulted Elkins.